Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room...

Last Sunday, I had to wake up really early, as I went on an ‘adventure week’ in southern China with my year 10 form. We had to be at school at 3.30am – on a Sunday! – take a 2 hours flight to Guilin, and then go on a 3 hours bus journey to our youth hostel... As you can imagine, when we turned up at the hostel, I was shattered and craving for the moment when I’ll be relaxing in my room, far from crazy pupils and annoying duties... that was until the receptionist said something I was dreading: “Teachers... will... have... to... share... rooms!”... Noooooo!... Now, ok, I was being overdramatic here. Looking around me, a couple of potential roommates were actually to my taste: ‘sexy PE teacher’ was there – oh yes! – and ‘funny economics teacher’ was a cool option. After all, I didn’t mind sharing my room... but all of you know perfectly well I’m never that lucky, am I?... Hunky and Jokey paired up and I ended up with... a Chinese teacher!... Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly a little bit racist – you know, being French and all – but I’m really open-minded about different nationalities and always happy to find out about different cultures... but not the harsh way please! Anyway, now I know what it is like to live with a Chinese person, and it’s not pretty... Rule number 1: go for a shower before they do! Every time Tsingtao had one, the bathroom became a war zone: water everywhere – despite the shower curtain!? – several wet towels piled up on the floor – how many towels can one use at once?! – and some dodgy black ‘sand’ – Ewww, WTF?! – in the bathtub... I learnt my lesson after the first morning... Rule number 2: eat as far away from them as possible! Every time Tsingtao had a meal, he would get his bowl as close as possible to his chin, used his chopsticks to shove all the food he could into his mouth and you could hear his disgusting slurping and chewing from miles away... Ewww, I just wanted to throw up!... Rule number 3: if you really care for them, buy them stuff! I think I should have felt sorry for Tsingtao when I soon realised he was wearing the same outfit everyday – Ewww – but I just felt sick! I mean, come on, which word don’t you get in ‘Adventure Week’?! It lasts for a week and it’s probably going to be dirty and wet, just take lots of clothes! Duh! Actually, I didn’t really know if it was because he was poor or just a cheap bastard, as he was always nicking things from the hostel: he took away a towel, some toothbrushes and toothpaste, and he would always get food from breakfast into his backpack for later... Such a commoner thing to do!

Anyway, as you can see, the room sharing wasn’t my favourite part of the trip... And that’s why I was relieved when I heard that we would be spending Tuesday night in a guest house in a remote village in the mountains. Well, my relief didn’t last... When we arrived at the guesthouse – very charming place by the way! – the kids were allocated rooms, so were the teachers, and then it was me... No rooms left, I’m afraid... So the owners of the guesthouse made me sleep... wait for it... in their attic! Yes, that’s right, I had to get into their house – next to the guesthouse – pass the old man watching TV in the living room and the granny cooking in the kitchen, climb a wooden ladder and crouch in order to get to my ‘bedroom’, and my bed was made of a pile of old recycled materials covered with a big sheet. No need to say I wasn’t impressed, but I guess I’m the one who had the most ‘local’ experience out of all the people who went on the trip... great... My experience didn’t stop there though: at night, we had a massive bonfire in front of the guesthouse and stayed up until midnight, and when I went to my hosts’ house to sleep, they were already in bed and had locked the house – obviously! I had to wake them up – brilliant! – and be escorted to the attic by the old lady in her nightdress holding a candle... so surreal! She left me the candle and went back to bed, so I got ready for bed and decided I needed to go to the loo before sleeping... except that the toilets were outside in the garden – obviously! So I went downstairs, and I found myself in front of a locked door – again! I couldn’t be bothered with this shit anymore and I just went to my ‘bed’ and tried to forget about the pressure from my bladder...

Ok, reading all this you might think what an awful week it was, but I had fun though, the activities were great – rafting, kayaking, climbing, hiking, etc. –, our group guides were gorgeously sexy – they all looked 18 though, that was really wrong to fancy them! – and the landscapes were breathtakingly beautiful – as you can see from the pictures... Talking about the pictures, I am gutted, as I had several pictures of me in different activities and poses, but I erased them all by mistake... I know, I’m shit... What happened is that the editor of the school magazine asked for my pictures of adventure week and, as I didn’t want her to see my face, I put all the pictures of me in a separate folder, which I later on deleted, as I thought it was the folder with the other pictures which I had already given her... Not sure whether it makes sense to you, but that’s what happened anyway... and I’m pissed off! I even hated her for this, thinking it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t asked me anything, but let’s face it, it’s my fault!...