Simply having a wonderful Christmas time...

On Friday 25 November, I went to the school’s Christmas staff party – yes, I know, it was one month too bloody early, but ask the staff committee in charge of organising it, they’re shit! Anyway, I went to the party – which happened to take place at the Ramada hotel – and spent the evening at the same table as my head of department (Andy) and his Chinese girlfriend (Mandy) – how original! First they’ve almost got the same name, which is disturbing, and second, he’s only the 100th expat I’ve met so far who’s dating a Chinese girl... What’s the thing with Chinese girls?! I just don’t see it... My friend Clare reckons they’re tighter down there and it’s better for sex – WTF?! They might as well go for guys then, as it’s definitely tighter back there, that’s for sure... unless you’re a loose slag, obviously! Anyway, I was sat with Andy and Mandy, Clare, Nesil, Gabi, Tom – oh yes, I”ll have a bit of that, please! – and some random people from school... As you can imagine, the evening was quite boring – just have a look at the picture Clare took and you’ll understand! – so the only exciting thing to do was drinking... except that some people - who happen to almost share the same name... hint, hint! – can’t really handle their drinks and ended up being silly. They basically started a food fight at the table, which became a whatever-you-can-grab fight, and poor Clare was thrown a handbag at her face! WTF?! She then decided that Andy was a c*** and couldn’t be bothered talking to him for the rest of the evening... Fun, fun, fun... Something really funny about the Chinese actually, is that all the Chinese members of staff turned up to the party but literally f***ed off once they had stuffed their faces with food... You then have to picture Marie – the biology teacher who hosted the evening – happily announcing on the microphone that the disco was about to start to a half empty reception room... She must have felt so lonely!

Talking about Marie, I must say her sister is a right bitch and I hate her! Basically, at the end of the evening, people were leaving and many of them were helping themselves from the alcohol stash on one side of the room. There were maybe 30 odd bottles of wine left unopened and desperate to be drunk. Helen and I followed the trend set by the school’s alcoholics and went to the stash to grab a couple of bottles – ok, maybe not a couple, we took 6 bottles... honest! – while suddenly we heard Marie’s sister – who doesn’t even work at the school and whose only job that evening was to help out her sister! – literally shouting at us, telling us that what we were doing was theft, that we didn’t pay for these and that we had no consideration for the people who organised the party, blah blah blah... She then grabbed our bottles, put them back on the stash and stayed in front of it, preventing anyone from taking more bottles... I thought ‘You f***ing slag! Who the f*** are you anyway?!’ I was well pissed off! And what really upset me afterwards, is that as we came out of the hotel I could see many people with bottles in their hands... So unfair! Next time this bitch comes my way, I’ll slap her face! Merry Christmas everyone!